Why do I care with everything that is going on?
Because I'm sick in the head, that's why.
I hate being fat. I hate not being able to find clothes that fit right. I am too tall and too fat.
I'm tired of being me.
I'm also just plain tired.
I need to go exercise but what's the point?
I want it to show...why hasn't my body firmed any? Why is it still flabby? How fucking long does it take?
I have no control over my life, my stress levels are through the roof.
I don't want to be me anymore.
I have had enough of everything to do with me. I feel suicidal often.
I tried talking to Galen but all he said is "you're wrong, you're not fat, you have low self-esteem" blah blah blah.
That doesn't help me any.
It sucks that the only way I can stay at a decent weight is by strict dieting but that's life.
I have to obsess on this, because I no longer have any control over my life. At least I can try and control my weight.
I am a shallow fucked up person.
I consider myself to be a feminist? Look at me! I buy into the media's perception of fat and thin. I kill myself to achieve what is probably genetically impossible for me. I shallow their image. I rant about it...but I try to become it.