I am still in recovery from my e.d. and the thing that makes me laugh is since going into recovery I am probably thinner than ever. I try to eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full. The thing is I still see things wrong. I am 6'2 and weigh 154lbs and I still feel chubby. I am on about the lowest weight for my height or near it and I still don't feel like I am thin enough. Though by today's standards I am not thin enough.
I was reading a magazine article and it described some actress or model as a curvy size 10 (to all those from USA, that's a size 8 to you). Ummm excuse me and no offense to anyone of that size but that is NOT curvy. My sister is (naturally)very thin and she found it hilarious. She said "Oh that's like calling me CURVY!". I used to think that people who were naturally thin had it easier but my sister has been accused of having an e.d. (hilarious isn't it that the "fat" sister was the anorexic/bulimic??). No, she just happens to have a superfast metabolism. She has become way too thin now though cause she skips meals every now and then due to being so busy at work. If anything she would love to gain weight.
Sometimes I actually think about what the hell is wrong with me. Why am i so obsessed with being a certain dress size? Does it make a difference what a tag inside my clothing says? Why does it matter to me?
I can blame society but I am buying into it and it shames me.
I write about it over and over again, that I will accept myself, I will be happy....but I turn on the T.V. or open a magazine and I completly fall for the images. Yes, I am a feminist, Yes I can analyse and laugh at the fakeness of it all...but I am still sucked in.
We're all sucked in.
Is the media really the problem or our own self-image?
I think both.