< I'm not a mother, no matter how much I love her >
2003-05-27
9:14 p.m.
I just put my niece to bed a little while ago. It was very nice, even though I had to read goldilocks three times. She looks so peaceful and angelic when she is sleeping. It sounds mushy but sometimes I feel like crying because she just looks so beautiful. Gah maybe I'm just too emotional. I love that little girl so much. Even though she behaves more like a devil when awake! She reminds me so much of my sister when she was a little girl. She gets her fiesty ways from her mother, that's for sure. She already strong-willed and opinionated and she is only three! My sister better look out when she's fifteen! I can see some fights coming in the future, because they are way too alike.
Both so headstrong.
I won't be around everyday to see Jodie grow. I will have to leave eventually and that is so hard to think of. Ever since she was born, I was there. I can't imagine not seeing her everyday.It's such a difficult situation.
What has to be done, has to be done. I have to face the fact that no matter how long I've been taking care of her...I'm not her mother. I can't expect for us to always be together everyday. Even if I didn't move to N.O. one day they'd move out to their own place.
It hurts inside but I know it has to be done.
I'm dreading it though.
Before / After
