Isn't it strange that I could be the girl with myriad names and yet be so unknown?
I am Georgina to those who do not know me well, or only know me by the name written on my I.D. card (school etc) though Galen calls me this sometimes.
I am Gina to most of my Family and my friends.
I am Gigi to my sister and sometimes my niece.
I am George or Georgie to my father and grandfather.
I am Gia to Galen only.
If one person can have so many names, what defines one person from another?
Names obviously count for nothing.
So what makes me....me?
I do not know.
I should really stop thinking so much, the end result always seems to be me more confused than ever.
I am so tired of everything.
I don't want to die, and yet I can't stop feeling suicidal.
I need Galen. I miss him. He will be here on March 2nd. He is only coming for one week.
I love him more than I can express.
I wish he knew how much.
I can't help feeling insecure and jealous about the woman he loved before me.
I always have to hear about how beautiful she was.
How special.
How talented.
Ever since we met, I have heard this.
He doesn't seem to think I am that wonderful.
It makes me sad.
I know I am selfish but I want to be the most special woman he has ever had in his life.
Maybe I should just come back to reality.
Reality hurts too much.
I am not stable at the moment.
Why does he love me and yet always talk about her?
He tells me he loves me most, but as the saying goes "actions speak louder than words". He needs to stop praising her all the time, and give me a little attention in that area.
Am I being horrible?
Am I losing it?
Don't know.
Just have to write everything down, no matter how awful it sounds, so it won't rot inside my soul anymore.
I am so scared I'll lose him.
I can't ever lose him.
I want to be sane again, but I am so irrational now. No matter what anyone tells me. I just torture myself.
Please please please I want to stop.
Dear dear goddess, give me my sanity back.