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< I'm not who you think I am >

2003-06-15
1:21 p.m.

I hate the monster I have become, and stress is no excuse. Jodie is scared of me...Aunty Gina screams and shouts and is aggressive and sometimes behaves in a violent manner...She is scary and might end up hurting you...she is unstable and is losing her goddamn mind...there is no excuse.

No, I've never beaten her..I have shouted at her and smacked her, becuause I am too tired..but that is just me making excuses for the shitty behaviour. I am a poor excuse for a "mother" and I am beginning to think I should never have kids of my own. I have to write this here because no one knows how awful I truly am, and seem to think I am a sweet and good person. I am not. I think I am downright abusive. I hate who I am now and try to change but I never do because I can't control my goddamn temper.

My family is falling apart. Something else has happened that I can't talk about (due to family wishing it to be kept private). Something has happened to a family member. It horrifies me and I am so upset and don't know what to do.

I am falling apart.

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